inner agora

Grief is one of the most powerful and painful emotions we experience as human beings. When we lose someone we love, the world can feel as though it has shifted permanently. Days blur together, emotions swing from numbness to despair, and even simple routines can feel overwhelming. It is important to acknowledge from the start: there is no quick fix for grief, and no one should be expected to “get over it” overnight.

Yet while grief cannot be erased, it can be lived with. It can be carried in a healthier way. And this is where Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers real, practical support.

Grief Is the Price We Pay for Love

The late Queen Elizabeth II once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” This phrase resonates deeply, because it reminds us that grief is not a sign of weakness, but of connection. To grieve means that you have loved — fully and deeply.

However, knowing this does not make grief painless. CBT steps in to help us work with our thoughts and behaviours during this difficult time.

How CBT Helps in Times of Loss

1. Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts
   In grief, we may find ourselves repeating thoughts like “I should have done more,” or “I’ll never be happy again.” CBT helps identify these patterns and gently question them. Is it fair to hold yourself to impossible standards? Can you be certain you will never again find meaning or joy? By re-framing these beliefs, the pain becomes less suffocating.
2. Learning to Sit With the Present
   Grief often pulls us backwards, replaying moments we cannot change, or forwards into fearful imaginings. CBT teaches grounding skills — ways to focus on the present moment without being consumed by guilt about the past or dread about the future.
3. Building New Routines
   After a loss, life feels disordered. CBT emphasises small, structured actions: setting daily goals, reintroducing healthy routines, and gradually creating a sense of control in the chaos. Even small steps — making a meal, going for a walk, reaching out to a friend — help stitch together stability.
4. Accepting Emotional Waves
   CBT does not deny the depth of grief. Instead, it recognises that painful emotions will rise and fall like waves. Rather than resisting them, you can learn to ride them — understanding that no feeling, no matter how intense, lasts forever.

Being Sympathetic, But Firm

It is natural to want to hide from grief, but avoidance only prolongs suffering. A CBT approach is both compassionate and structured: it validates your pain, while also encouraging you to engage with life again. The message is not “move on,” but rather “move forward, carrying your love and memories in a way that allows you to live fully.”

Grief never leaves us entirely, and perhaps it shouldn’t. But with the tools of CBT, it becomes possible to carry it with strength rather than collapse under its weight.

Final Thought

If you are grieving right now, know that your pain matters. Your love mattered, and that is why the grief feels so sharp. Remember: grief is the price we pay for love. CBT does not take that away, but it can help you find light within the darkness, guiding you back toward balance, hope, and life.